I’ve never had a hard time letting go of friendships.
My motives have always varied over the years. Before 2013, I’d say that more often than not, it had to do with shifting social circles. I’ve moved a lot over the course of the last 10 years. Naturally, this leads to a lot of long-distance friendships and acquaintances. It’s pretty telling how strong or valuable a relationship with someone is, by how long it takes to drift in this scenario. Even in this age of technology, where getting a hold of someone is a simple text away, I’ve found it difficult to maintain connections. Whether that has to do with my inability to truly assess a friendship accurately, or just the fact that I don’t make a lot of meaningful bonds, is something I’ve thought a lot about over the years.
2013 was a year of big change.
My social circle, for the most part was completely turned on it’s head. I started deconstructing my relationships, to see where their true value resided. Things were not going particularly well, it took a series of fruitless endeavours to realize I may not be hanging out with the right people. Just because you spend a lot of time with individuals, having “fun”, doesn’t mean they contribute to a healthy, or positive friendship. The monotony of everything was catching up with me fast. There’s only so much personal growth, excitement, and self-worth, you can gain from constantly being drunk around a gaggle of people. This lead to many ties being dissolved.
I was talking to one of my best friends last night. Talking about life, struggles, anxieties; I brought this up. How sometimes, the best change you can make, is being honest with how healthy your friendships are. Which got me to thinking: at one point does that switch flip for me? When does a relationship go from being something I invest time, love, effort in, to being a shell?
I’m guilty of holding on to bad friendships too long in the past. By no means am I trying to make these people out to be villains, they just stopped being beneficial to both parties. The trouble is, often times after making such intense emotional investments in people, I’m blinded to the fact that they are the ones that have moved on. Or at least that ends up being my presumption. I’m not overly confrontational when it comes to my friends, I save that for strangers. I’m not going to sit there and beg you to be my friend. As a result, perhaps I’ve let some friendships disintegrate without giving them a fair chance. Communication after all, is key to maintaining strong bonds.
I’m stubborn though. I often feed my own ego with the idea that, I’m not the one that needs to take that first step. Unless I’ve done something grievous to hurt, or push someone away, I let things fall into disrepair. My own self-righteousness often gets in the way, creating long periods of non-communication, resulting in relationships falling beyond the point of no return.
It’s not that I stopped loving, or caring for these people.
Sometime bonds need to be broken, so that you don’t make the same mistakes in future relationships.